Top Ten Watermelons

 

“I think this is the best watermelon I’ve ever tasted!”  Elaine said, after she took a bite of a slice.  “This is amazing!”

“It is really good watermelon,” I commented, “but I’ve heard you say that same thing about four or five other watermelons over the last couple of years.”

“Maybe it’s that watermelons keep getting better and better,” Vincent said.  “Just like iPhones.”

“Mom is just a positive person, and it shows up when she’s eating watermelon,” Anna put in.

“She’ll say when the watermelon isn’t good too,” I said.  “There’s plenty of times that we’ve gotten watermelon that was a little too old and she’ll mention that too.”

“I probably should have just said that it’s really tasty watermelon and left it at that,” Elaine said.  “I didn’t really expect everyone to analyze my statement like they did.”

“I’m sure the watermelon feels better about sacrificing its life for us, knowing that we’ve really enjoyed it,” I said.  “I don’t think I could rank my top ten watermelon eating experiences.  I know I’ve eaten good watermelons in the past, but since I didn’t mark them down, or journal about them, I guess they just floated away like bubbles on the wind.”

I think there are some people out there that are against any form of exaggeration in speech.  They feel that it is almost akin to lying and if it isn’t an untruth, maybe it is the sort of “idle words” that the Bible seems to discourage us from using.

It is hard to really make this case since Jesus indulged in hyperbole.  When he was talking to the Pharisees, He said, “You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.” (Matthew 23:24)  I suppose it is possible that the religious leaders of Jesus’ day really did fish insects out of their drinks and periodically swallowed dromedaries, but I think it is more likely that Jesus was commenting about their willingness to accept large sins in their synagogues while casting out people with tiny offenses.

In other places He talked about camels going through the eye of a needle, cutting off body parts and putting out eyes.  In each case, He seems to have used some level of exaggeration to make a point seem extreme to those listening. 

The problem with exaggeration is simply that when we begin to rely on it to intensify a point we are making, we have to return to that well over and over.  Sportscasters have to make whatever sporting event they are talking about seem like one of the greatest events since the US Olympic Hockey Team won at Lake Placid.

It’s probably best to reserve hyperbole for special occasions.  If every watermelon you eat is in the top ten of watermelons you have tasted, the award begins to feel more like a participation trophy than a gold medal.

Weather Dissatisfaction Index

 

 

Summer sun twinkled through the leaves of the tree lined road.  It was early, but the temperature had already reached a balmy 87 degrees and by mid-afternoon would hit 98 degrees.  I idly thought that maybe I would take my family on a weekend trip to the surface of the sun for a bit of a reprieve from the heat.

Sure, the surface of the sun is hot, but at least it’s a dry heat…

I remember last winter, when the polar vortex moved through, the complaints about the weather that I heard every day reached an extremely high level.  Maybe instead of a heat index, we really need a weather dissatisfaction index.

“…and in other news, the weather dissatisfaction index (WDI) is expected to reach an all time high on Tuesday at 99.99!”

Growing up I heard and read the stories about the complaining Israelites traveling through the Sinai Peninsula.  God had done miraculous things on their behalf – freed them from slavery, taken them through the Red Sea, and given them water from a rock.  They still complained constantly.

God had sent the people food that they gathered every morning.  They called it manna and initially, they liked it.  It didn’t taste too bad, was fortified with every vitamin and mineral you could think of, and no one went hungry.  There was only one problem.  It only came in one flavor – manna flavor.

At one point the people came to Moses distraught, “Oh that we had meat to eat!  We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic.  But now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.” (Numbers 11:4-6)

They should have had hearts full of gratitude, but instead they moaned about musty manna.  They had tired of the sustenance that God had provided and now, they simply wanted something else.

I wonder how much better we would do.  We, who have supermarkets full of good (if expensive) food and homes with air conditioning.  We, who have running water and even ice makers still have the ability to complain about things we cannot change, like the weather.

At the end of the day, complaining seldom changes anything.  It doesn’t even make us feel better about the thing under scrutiny.  It only drags our focus from our blessings to the imperfections of life.

Even if the weather dissatisfaction index hits 100 percent, we can still feel grateful.  If someone can be satisfied with just rhythm and music, surely we can be thankful the God is good and we are blessed.  Who could ask for anything more?